The Two-Way Street of Forgiveness
This concept means that our ability to forgive others is intrinsically linked to our reception and understanding of the forgiveness we have received from God. It's a cycle of grace: we are forgiven, which frees us to forgive, and in forgiving, we live out the reality of the grace we've been given. If either direction of this street is blocked, spiritual and emotional traffic jams occur—namely, resentment and hypocrisy.
1. The First Direction: Receiving God's Forgiveness to Avoid Resentment
When we are wronged, our natural human response is anger, pain, and a desire for justice. If we try to forgive out of our own moral willpower alone, it often leads to what is sometimes called "toxic forgiveness"—a superficial pardon that hides a festering wound of resentment. We say, "I forgive you," but we secretly hold the offense over the person, feel bitter, and remain in emotional bondage.
How does receiving God's forgiveness prevent this?
It recontextualizes the entire situation. We are no longer just a victim judging an offender; we are a forgiven offender who is being asked to forgive another.
Biblical Backing:
· The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:21-35): This is the most direct illustration of this principle.
· The Story: A servant owes his king an astronomical, unpayable debt (10,000 talents). He begs for mercy, and the king "forgave him the debt" (v. 27). That same servant then finds a fellow servant who owes him a relatively small, manageable debt (100 denarii). He refuses to show mercy and has him thrown in prison.
· The Point: The king’s response is the key: "You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?" (v. 32-33). The parable concludes with a stern warning about being delivered to the tormentors if we do not forgive from the heart.
· The Connection: The "tormentors" are resentment, bitterness, and a lack of peace. We avoid this torment by constantly remembering the infinitely larger debt from which we have been forgiven by God through Christ. This makes the debts others owe us seem smaller by comparison and empowers genuine forgiveness from the heart.
· Ephesians 4:31-32: "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."
· The command to forgive is explicitly rooted in the model and motive of "as God in Christ forgave you." Our forgiveness is not the source; it is the response. Receiving His grace is the fuel for showing grace to others.
2. The Second Direction: Extending Grace to Others to Abstain from Hypocrisy
To "not abstain grace to others" means we must not hold back the mercy we have freely received. When we refuse to forgive, we are essentially placing ourselves in a position of superiority, forgetting our own constant need for grace. This leads to hypocrisy—a state where we accept forgiveness for ourselves but deny it to others.
Biblical Backing:
· The Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-15): This prayer directly links our reception of forgiveness to our extension of it.
· The Petition: "And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors" (v. 12).
· The Commentary: Jesus provides a startling commentary immediately after the prayer: "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (v. 14-15).
· The Connection: This is not about earning God's forgiveness through works. Rather, it reveals a spiritual principle: a heart that has truly received and understood God's forgiveness will naturally become a forgiving heart. A refusal to forgive others demonstrates a heart that has not truly grasped the nature of the grace it has received. It's a sign of an unregenerate heart.
· Colossians 3:12-13: "Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do."
· Again, the command ("you must do") is based on the work of Christ ("as Christ forgave you"). Forgiveness is not presented as an optional virtue for Christians but as a non-negotiable identifier.
Conclusion: The Healthy Cycle of Grace
The two-way street of forgiveness creates a healthy cycle:
1. We look upward: We acknowledge our sin and receive the overwhelming, costly forgiveness of God through Jesus Christ. This humbles us and breaks our pride.
2. We look inward: This received grace heals our own hearts, protecting us from the poison of resentment because we see ourselves in the same category as the one who wronged us—sinners in need of grace.
3. We look outward: Empowered by the grace we have received, we extend grace to others, not because they deserve it, but because Christ deserved the cross for us when we did not deserve it. In doing so, we "abstain" from withholding grace.
This biblical model saves forgiveness from being a grim duty and transforms it into a joyful act of liberation, reflecting the very character of God who is "merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness" (Psalm 86:15).
